Wisconsin Autism Empowerment

Fault on Speaker Side

Having been a communications director I’m supposed to know how to get a message understood.  Yet, I failed spectacularly in my own home with my own daughter. 

I was sick.  Feeling like walking death.  The night before I’d taken the last of our Nyquil.  It was clear a trip to the store for more Nyquil was required to get through the night.  So I said to my daughter ‘can you do me a favor and I’ll drive you to Walgreens, give you the money and you go in and get Nyquil for me?’  

She’d been having a PJ day, relaxing.  She looked over and casually said ‘I don’t feel like it’.  My reaction was emotional wound.  She blew me off while I was feeling crappy, not willing to help at all.  I held no value to her.  I mattered not.  I put a value in her answer that in reality wasn’t there. 

For after I’d suffered through that Walgreen’s run on my own and thought about it I realized I was the one who’d messed up the message.  For I’d told her I didn’t feel well prior.  But I hadn’t made a clear statement of just how bad.  I had made a request.  Not a clear I really, really want and need this help statement.   So we talked it through.

She felt bad once she realized what I had heard in her answer.  For it was not at all what she’d intended to say.  I felt bad for assuming such negative things about her empathy capacity based on not giving a clear, direct message.  After some more discussion I apologized for my gaffe.  She vowed to push for more clarity of message.  I vowed to be clear and direct.